should i stay or should i go?

My first blog post. Exciting stuff. My first post is about my last minute doubts surrounding this trip. The week leading up to my flight i busied myself with seemingly important tasks like researching things to do in each city i visited and buying boring stuff like pants and shampoo. When it came to the day to leave Devon however, i felt very anxious. I changed my bag from a rucksack to a suitcase last minute (was that a good idea reader? lets wait and see….) and then had to rush back home on the way to the station for a camera charger. All this lead to a rather stressful and rushed goodbye to my mum and my hometown. By the time i had realised what had happened, i was on my way to London, leading to a very panicked and teary phone call home. I no longer wanted to go. I was convinced i was going to be so lonely and feel lost. What was i doing?? It was decided that i would sleep on the decision, and I went to stay with a friend at her new flat in London. She didn’t think i was a wimp for crying, she and anyone else i sought advice from said i was very brave for going solo but that ultimately the decision to go was mine and mine alone. As i enjoyed a sunny weekend in London, i looked around and saw what my friend had: a lovely flat by the Shard, a full time job and independence. Sure her life wasn’t perfect but she was a grown up or at least on her way to being one. I realised i had got used to the safe comforts of home and fallen back into my usual teenage routines. But i didn’t want that anymore. I wanted what she had, i wanted to be able to look after myself and start becoming the person i was supposed to be. So i knew what i had to do. I had to go on my trip. It was all planned and a lot of it paid for. Everyone knew about it and some friends were even coming to meet me on my birthday in Sweden. And more importantly, deep down i did want to go. Just take it a day at a time, I thought. Come Monday morning the knot in my stomach had gone and was replaced by nervy but excited butterflies. I got on that plane and am now writing this from my amazing hostel in Bergen.

As another wise friend told me during another panic on Saturday: ‘I know it’s a bit scary, but most of the really good things are at first….’ Lets hope she’s right.


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